Thanks Resilience, I guess.

I’d like to make a shout out to Resilience, one of the Magical Unicorns (because apparently there are non-magical ones?!) of Existence, or MUEs (pronounced moos, of course because of the sound they make), alongside Chaos, Chance and Ethics. When I talk about Resilience, I dont mean the same kind of resilience that life coaches teach and motivational speakers mention in TED Talks. Or bullies in disguise who justify their behaviour by claiming it’s the fault of victim lacking resilience. You know, wankers, gas-lighters, fitness instructors…now that being said, I have little academic knowledge of what constitutes the rest of the world’s version of resilience and can only reflect on my own experiences.

In my life, Resilience has been akin to my high school science teacher: we weren’t fans of eachother but we both had to be there. In fairness, both my science teacher and Resilience seemed to hold a grudging acceptance of me, evidenced by Mrs L occasionally inviting me to perform one of Rowan Atkinson’s stand up routines for the rest of the class and by Resilience inviting me to not give up on existing altogether.

The last few years have indeed been a time where my friend Resilience has had to do a lot of the heavy lifting. Ethics just complicated everything then had a crisis of confidence followed by a nervous breakdown, and Chance and Chaos had both been banished to the naughty corner. Poor Resilience. Performing a decade long solo in a four-piece band. In fairness, prior to that Resilience had things pretty easy. Chaos and Chance ruled the roost and there was simply no time for much else. The other two unicorns had been out to pasture for a good long time enoying the occasional bucket of chaff and a visit from the farrier. Of course Chaos and Chance eventually were doomed to really screw it all up one way or another and they decided to pack that action into what we refer to at work as a compressed timeline. Then, in rode Resilience (can a unicorn RIDE in? I guess if Resilience was in a horse float maybe – but would there need to be a hole drilled into the roof for the horn? Wouldnt a unicorn just fly? Wait, thats a pegasus, I havent thought this through) and got to work. The problem was that Resilience had it too good for too long and was not race ready. He could only put in a little effort before needing to rest and recover and look to return to back paddock for an amble to the water trough. My fitness instructor would suggest Resilience take ‘active recovery’ approach if struggling to keep up with the pace, but apparently MUEs dont work that way.

Despite the inconsistent efforts of Resilience (really, what IS ethics doing?!?!), I seem to have come out the other end. I wouldnt say unscathed, but maybe an acceptable level of scathing. Sufficiently scathed? Chance and Chaos seemed to have matured slightly and I’m sure Ethics will come to the fore one day. But all of this means that Resilience has started seeing other people. Every now and then when I could really rely on a bit of Resilience’s wisdom I find myself calling to no avail. I feel slightly cheated. I know others probably need Resilience as well and we did agree to an open relationship, but surely this is more of a ‘Nanny McPhee’ deal, where if I need Resilience, there Resilience will be. Ugh, I forgot about the whole needing Resilience but not wanting it and wanting it but not needing it. Great cop-out there dude. Someone wanted to transition to retirement early.

I am certain that my MUEs shed particles of their essence as they run through the cosmos and if I run a duster around the house I might gather enough to get me by. I have to say though, as far as fantastical, cosmic entities go, Resilience is bloody hard work! Chance and Chaos dont need me to do a thing! That isnt to say I dont do things to influence their input. I am excellent at pitching the odds unfavourably with my flair for the impulsive and desire for approval with zero consideration of whose approval I’m seeking. Ethics so far has had very little to say about anything and even when Ethics does pipe up, its usually with a contra-indicative and circular argument. But Resilience! FFS! Why, when I am at my absolutely lowest, must you goad me? When I have nothing in the tank mentally, physically, emotionally, you must prod me into action. I have fought you tooth and nail and I just never seem to win. And what do I get for your intrusion into my life? Two happy, healthy children who seem to have developed the second-hand-smoking version of resilience, a permanent job for the first time in over a decade, and half a bachelor’s degree (seriously, I think universities should award half-degrees, I could use the sense of achievement some days). I suppose I should be appreciative of your influence, Resilience, but honestly, I’d rather spend that time at a gym being trained by my high school science teacher while a life coach does a 12 hour TED talk about resilience in the corner.

Gratitude for what?

You know these people. The ones who write gratitude diaries. Publicly. So everyone else can see how deserving and just generally better they are than everyone else. I’m pretty sure there might be a demographic that applies to this kind of gratitude. Most often, these grateful people are well off, well educated and well in both the physical and mental senses. I guess they do have a lot to be grateful for. But something does bug me when I see a photo posted of some unattainable yoga pose in front of a sunset scrawled with glittering words about being grateful for their GHD hair straightener lasting five years (that is not a made up example, I promise you).

My problem is, what exactly are they grateful for? Beyond the hair straightener, people seem grateful for things like being able to afford a luxury holiday, being able to send their kids to private schools, being able to afford three investment properties which they will eventually give to their children to give them a ‘leg up’ in the world (because, growing up in privilege apparently doesnt already do that). None of them seem to be grateful for being able to learn in a way that made education easy for them, increasing their likelihood of later success. You dont see posts of gratitude for hard work being rewarded (because contrary to popular belief this isnt a guaranteed outcome of putting in the hard yards) or for a good outcome being the result of significant effort and consideration. Why is success considered a natural and expected result of effort? Chance an Chaos are getting a raw deal in the recognition department here I think.

Then you get the absurdists who like to express their gratitude by thanking the Lord for their freedom/righteousness/bigotry/ignorance. The ones who post on social media about being grateful they dont live in a war-torn country, but seem to believe this is the result of some kind of superiority of their existence rather than Chance and Chaos rolling the most complex multi-sided DnD dice to select geography, political climate and gender for a start. Not to mention how much damage our privileged countries wreak in the developing world, taking advantage of political and social instability to maintain the status quo while capitalising on the opportunity to feed consumer greed without being compelled to comply with pesky human rights and environmental protections.

The opposite side of the coin, the ones who post FML about GHD’s dying (again, not made up and different people – I may be missing out on some kind of revolutionary life experience by not owning one), rain on the day of an outdoor activity and dropping their plate of food are just as inane. Nothing like a bit of narcissism to put disadvantaged people in their place. A homeless person asking for money or for food/shelter? Well I cant give them a cent because my work Christmas bonus this year was a fricken food hamper! FML! The fact I had anticipated receiving a certain cash amount and already spent it based on that expectation is not my fault! What, did you expect me to wait until I actually had the funds to make my purchase? Dont be ridiculous! There are kids working sweatshops in war-torn countries that will die of starvation if I dont feed the machine of consumerism! Plus, my GHD just died, so I am having a really bad week and this homeless guy just hassled me….FML!!!

You may feel like I am picking on people who express gratitude for their lot and people who complain about their lot and no one can win. Maybe. Most people are pretty reasonable, I know. They live their lives knowing that at any given moment their circumstances could change drastically and without any perceivable cause. They dont tend to feel the need to publicly express gratitude or dismay for things that are often beyond their control. They may quietly curse poor Chance and Chaos for doing their thing, but accept that its Chance and Chaos’ jobs to keep us on our toes.

Today I am grateful for nothing. But I choose to accept everything. I choose to accept that life is so unpredictable that no matter how rubbish things might be, there is every possibility that could change in a split second. I accept that the big bang’s fallout included the accidental evolution of biological species to create curiosities like humans, dogs, cats and most of the other quadripeds (with the exception of koalas who are the most grumpy animals in existence – take them back, Universe). I accept my existence because when I do, I can then accept the good, the bad and the ugly (again, except for koalas, and sloths, they really freak me out). I have a starting point to work with, to experience all that our short, relatively pointless, but entirely magical lives have to give. I guess, in the end, I am grateful for Chance and Chaos, no matter how much of a hypocrite that makes me.

Luck is subjective

I mean, really, what is luck? Is there a standard definition? Is there an instrument for measuring luck? Is luck automatically good and hence when we talk about ‘bad’ luck we have to describe it as such? Is luck interchangeable with something else? I mean, I guess it is, how else would one explain religion? Its basically anthropomorphising luck, isnt it? Something good happened? That is God showing you he loves you. Something bad happened? That is God testing you. Nothing good nor bad happened? God helps those who help themselves. God works in mysterious ways. God gave us free will (in fairness that is also often used to explain bad luck, but oddly never good luck).

Aside from what luck actually is, how do you quantify it? The phrase “with a little bit of luck” is often used in situations which are much more serious than you would imagine a ‘little bit’ of luck could help with. At the other end of the spectrum, who hasnt seen a farewell card with “lotsa luck” scribbled across it (in a font that indicates no one seriously cares how much luck you have when you leave)?

And to the crux of the issue, where exactly in the general everyday business of existing does luck do its thing? If someone is stepping into traffic with a car hurtling along toward them, and luck intervenes to save them, does Lady Luck/God/Fate alter only the pedestrian’s trajectory, or the driver, or both? It seems unreasonable to use someone else’s luck to change the outcome for one person in a positive way while the other’s future is disregarded. I mean really, the only thing that would stop a car hitting an oblivious pedestrian would be if the car broke down before it got there or was hit by another car before it got there. Chuck, the ignorant street-crosser, might be ok, but Norm the innocent commuter now has a buggered car and is late for work! What if Norm then loses his job due to being late, and after a series ‘bad luck’ eventualities ends up homeless and dies of exposure? Thanks a lot, Chuck, or God, or Fate – someone has cocked up there! And let’s hope Chuck isnt a serial killer, saved by the universe to fulfil a future of inflicting carnage and horror. Luck seems somewhat short-sighted. Not a big picture thinker.

My point is this – in the 21st Century, it seems simplistic and foolish to still believe in such a thing as luck. I know it helps people avoid responsibility for their own actions, and that is something that will never go out of date, but I had hoped we had evolved beyond blaming influences beyond our control for the results of our own arrogance (I’m looking at you, climate change).

Chance and Chaos are my all powerful influences, alongside Resilience and Ethics. I find myself continually getting kicked in the teeth by Chance and Chaos. Chance seems to get to me when I am least expecting and Chaos likes to run in when I am down and put me in a choke hold. Resilience and Ethics hide in cupboard until the vibe is a bit calmer and its safe to return. Ethics is mostly a presence akin to the window dressing of a shopfront no one visits. Everyone always talks about wanting to go in, but just never seems to have the time. I have a love/hate relationship with Resilience. After all it’s the reason I can find a way to keep bouncing back after the onslaught of Chance and Chaos, but it is also the reasons Im standing again when I they inevitably track me down for another lesson about why I should never dare attempt to build self-confidence, or a glimmer of optimism, for that matter.

It really doesnt matter what you call it. We are probably all at the mercy of influences beyond our control. Existence is suffering, so it is said. So, does that mean I am on some plane of super-existence? Dont get me wrong, I have many things to be grateful for but Ive also had my fair share of ‘tests’, or ‘bad’ luck in some pretty significant ways.

So, just for tonight, Lady Luck, send me something special. Let me go to bed with hope for tomorrow and give Resilience some long service leave, before he quits and moves to the tropics. Let me praise my good fortune with a kind of frivolity I’ve forgotten how to feel. Let me remember what a good night’s sleep feels like. Do this and I will join the masses in variously lauding and blaming you for the events of my life. I dont think that will make me a better person, but I also dont think Chance and Chaos care much about that anyway.